Not Fighting In Order To Be Stronger
I'm the last person to avoid a fight when one is necessary. But I'd also be the first person to tell you that both physical and verbal confrontation aren't necessary nearly as often as you may want to believe. Let's talk about avoiding fights in order to be a stronger person.
Not Looking For It
I'd go so far as to say that I advocate for aggressive and even violent solutions more often than the average person. I strongly believe in quick, decisive, and final resolutions to issues rather than letting them fester or meander. When it comes time for conflict, it is best to be the first to act and to end things quickly.
That does not, however, mean that I advocate looking for an aggressive, violent, or forceful solution to problems. Quite the opposite. There is a vast difference between being ready to fight and looking for a fight, and it definitely makes a difference in your strength as a person.
Firstly, if you're looking for conflict, it shows. You don't come across as confident or strong, you come across as insecure, full of yourself, and full of false bravado. People can tell the difference between confidence and arrogance. Don't trick yourself into mistaking one for the other when it comes to your own actions.
Secondly, if you're looking for fights most of the time, you're going to find and even create them often. This only further damages your reputation, as no one wants to be around someone that's constantly embroiled in conflict to the point of instability.
Be able to fight, but be willing to avoid it.
How It Makes You Stronger
At first it might seem counter-intuitive to view avoiding conflict as strengthening yourself. After all, I myself talk a lot about meeting challenge and adversity head on. But there is a difference between not backing down or being cowardly and being needlessly stubborn.
If you are looking for or even taking fights that don't need to be fought, you are never at your peak for the conflicts you can't or shouldn't avoid. There is no need to waste your strength and resources this way, especially when being mentally and emotionally strong can usually lead you to a solution that doesn't involve engaging in such expenditures.
When you begin to develop the habit of avoiding unnecessary conflict, of talking to people instead of at them, of diffusing situations that risk getting physical instead of inflaming them, you very quickly begin to realize how much more energy you have. You have more resources, both mental and physical, for the tasks, goals, and fights that matter.
For evidence of this, look no further than most people experienced in any sort of martial discipline. You will of course always find bad examples that abuse their prowess. But in general you will find that the more skilled and knowledgeable about conflict a person is, the better they are at avoiding it and the more often they do.
Learn from this example, and follow it yourself. You don't need to be a martial artist, zen master, or expert debater. You just need to make the conscious choice to not rise to the bait of others or give in to your first instinct to get aggressive or defensive.
As with so many things worth doing, this hard to do. But that's what we're here for: The harder way that's better for us. Strength is a choice. Make this choice, one situation at a time, and be stronger for it.
How Do You Avoid The Fights?
As always, I want to hear from all of you. Tell us about how you avoid conflict, both verbal and physical. Tell us how you stay in the habit of conserving your strength for the fights that really matter.