The Strength Needed to be Honest and Stop Being Afraid of Confrontation

There are many types of strength. But if I had to put one above all others, it would be strength of character. It doesn't matter if you can bench press 500 pounds or you're the most talented person in your field if you lack the conviction to practice honesty and face the confrontations that result from it. Because being honest WILL result in confrontation at times. People don't like to be told no. They don't like to be disagreed with. They don't like you turning them down, or pointing out their flaws.

Now, I'll be the first to admit, that there is a significant different between being honest and being tactless. You can be honest and still be polite. You can be honest and not be cruel. But what you CAN'T do is avoid that conversation you know you need to have and be an honest person.

Examples of this abound, but I'll stick to just two here.

The first is from my childhood, a case in which I chose NOT to speak up, even though I knew I should have.

As a young child, one of my friends was talking about how their grandmother would say things like "Those colored people running around with guns and messing things up."

Even as a child, I spoke up and said something along the lines of "It isn't right to stereotype people based on their skin color, why didn't you say something?"

Before anyone else could say anything, my friend's mother snapped at me with "Respect your elders, boy!"

Being a child, I didn't continue the argument. An "adult" had told me I was wrong, and I knew to at the very least keep my mouth shut. But inside, I knew her statement was flawed. I knew that just because someone was "my elder," that didn't make them automatically correct, and it didn't obligate me to agree with their bigotry. To this day, I regret not questioning that statement. I failed to be honest. I failed to speak up about what I knew was right. Not only did I compromise my own principles, I backed down from a chance to be a voice for compassion and equality. If everyone did this, change would never happen. Don't be afraid of a confrontation when you know you're doing the right thing. Expect the confrontation. Be prepared for it. Look the other person in the eye and don't back down if you know you're being honest and genuine.

 

My second example is more recent, and comes from a fundamental problem I have been seeing in society and recent times: avoidance. It has become more and more acceptable to just avoid honesty, social responsibility, and even basic decency. I could write an entire article on why I think this is the case, but our purposes today let us just observe that is.

 

A friend of mine was talking to me recently about how they had been "ghosted" on a date by someone. Ghosting has been defined as follows:

 

"The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication."

 

This person had expressed interest in dating my friend. There had been communication. They had flirted, they had a mutual attraction. But when the day and time came for their first date, that person simply didn't how up, and didn't contact my friend in any way. Several attempts to contact them were met with silence. They simply vanished.

 

I could go on for quite a while about the immaturity of this person, but I would rather focus on some particular aspects of how they acted.

 

Namely, I would like to address the cowardice and selfishness of such behavior. To lack the courage to have a simple discussion with a person we have created emotions and expectations with simply to avoid the confrontation is just that: cowardice and selfishness. When we behave in such ways, we are in essence telling another person "You don't matter at all. You matter so little that I care more about avoiding an uncomfortable conversation with you than I do about showing you basic respect. My fear of confrontation is more important to me than how you feel."

 

We are better than this kind of behavior. We owe it to ourselves and to others to swallow our pride and fear and speak up, to speak honestly, and to speak at all.

 

I'd like to hear from you about this. Post an uncomfortable conversation you were willing to have because you knew it was the right thing to do.