Train Others With Your Actions

Actually really do speak louder.

Communicating your need for people to stop or adjust their behavior is an import skill. Unfortunately, it tends to involve the need to use more than words. You can politely refuse and ask for things as much as you like. Far too often that is insufficient to get your point across at best, and outright ignored at worst. People know that we live in a "civilized" society in which there are many rules that require us to "politely" tolerate their refusal to respect our boundaries or needs. So it becomes necessary to find ways to communicate with our actions that things need to change.

Eliminate Their Excuses

While it is true that words alone typically don't suffice, you still need to take this step. If for no other reason than to because people will attempt the "well you didn't SAY..." excuse no matter how clear it should have been to not do or say what they did.

So cover your bases. Clearly and concisely state what you need done or said, or not done or said. Remove any excuse anyone has to be able to claim they "didn't know."

Remove Opportunities

Once you tell people how things need to be and they don't listen, it's time to start making choices and taking action. The first step in this process is start removing opportunities for people to engage in the behaviors to begin with.

If you know a certain person, situation, topic, or anything else specific exposes you to harmful or simply annoying behavior by others, decide whether or not you really need to be around it or them.

Obviously we can't simply avoid everything. We have to go to work, go to the grocery store, and so forth. But if you know a certain coworker, conversation topic, or location at a certain time exposes you to things that hurt or irritate you, consider how important it is to actually be around it. Chances are if the impact to you is negative enough and there is a reasonable way for you to avoid it, you will.

Make Lack of Compliance Worse

The last and most effective strategy to eliminating the negative behaviors of others is to make their refusal to comply more uncomfortable or costly than stopping or just leaving you alone altogether. This does not mean becoming aggressive or violent. Quite the opposite in fact.

Your objective is to, with your actions, make it more unpleasant for the offending party to continue than to expend the effort to stop or change.

If a neighbor constantly causes inconsiderate amounts of noise, turn your music up loud enough that it drowns them out and they are forced to listen each time. If someone is talking on a cell phone in the bathroom next to you, start answering like they are talking to you. The possibilities and scenarios are endless. The point is to, without direct aggression, make it less appealing for them to continue than to simply stop.

How Do You Do It?

As always, I want to hear from you. Share your stories about the methods you've used to stop offensive or harmful behavior towards yourself or those around you.