Parenting Yourself - Are You Acting Like a Child?

I was watching a mother and her son recently, and several things about the behavior of the child struck me rather profoundly. The child understandably needed simple things that adults all (should) know explained to him: Sit still. Be quiet. You can't have what you want right now(and sometimes not at all!).

He had not yet learned that the world is not governed by his personal whims. The more I watched the way he behaved without his mother's direct guidance and correction, the more it got me thinking about how we as adults are far too often no better in our attitudes than this child who did not yet know better.

He constantly ran around and jumped up and down until she told him to sit still. He talked and even yelled non-stop until she told him to be quiet. He threw fits whenever she told him he couldn't have something. How often are we, adults who SHOULD know better, guilty of equally childish behaviors that we justify with thinly veiled "real world" excuses?

Too often for my liking. So in honor of this child that taught me so much without even realizing it, I present to you the principles of parenting yourself: Sit still. Shut up. You can't have that.

Sit Still

So many of rush around, fidget, or just stay busy for the sake of being in motion. We are busy, but not productive. We keeping moving not to accomplish anything, but simply so we can feel like we are doing something. We waste our energy because we can't bring ourselves to just still if there isn't anything to actually do, or because we are avoiding do what we know we need to.

This is a massive waste of energy, pure and simple. We know what needs to be done, and usually how to do it. We also know when we are just being busy. We know how to be still. But we do the same thing as the child: We ran back and forth instead of sitting still and applying ourselves.

Worse yet are those of us who are grown adults and can't even bring ourselves to exercise the basic self control to stay physically still. We tap a pen, bite our nails, bounce our leg, or any other number of things. We logically understand the discipline to simply be physically still, but we simply don't do it. This makes us look unfocused and undisciplined, like the child kicking the chair in front of him simply to make noise or because he won't control himself.

Learn to be still when the situation calls for it. Practice sitting still in meditation, not tapping or bouncing during meetings, and not moving just to move or be busy. Conserve your energy, and move only when it needed.

Shut Up

As the saying goes, "better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt." The world is full of people who refuse to stop speaking, to say nothing of actually listening. The benefits of being silent more often than speaking are numerous and well documented.

If you stop talking, or better yet just don't start speaking at all, you can listen and pay attention. You can hear more of what is going on around you, pay better attention to the words and actions of others, and simply be a more observant person overall.

The desire to constantly speak also wreaks of insecurity, need for attention, and arrogance. The longer we talk, the more people grow tired of us, and begin to find us annoying. Being an excellent conversationalist is a skill that involves subtlety, personality, and the knowledge of when to speak and when not to.

Learn when to speak and when to be silent. Don't interrupt people, and be sure that when you do speak, it is prudent and makes sense. Many times even a few seconds of forethought can save us a great deal of trouble.

You Can't Have That

The fact that we can't always have what we want is something that most people never fully accept. Those of us spoiled during childhood certainly have a harder time accepting it, but who among us truly believes that we're not entitled to the things we desire?

Now I'm not telling you to flush your dreams just because you're told no a few or even a hundred times. Those aren't the things I'm talking about. I'm talking about the things we WANT but don't at all NEED. The late night McDonald's run because we "can't sleep" (did you really try?). That new video game, power tool, or whatever other hobby related purchase. 

People and their behaviors are another thing we want but simply can't always have. You can't force people to love or even like you. You can't make them agree with you, and you can't make them give you what you want. How many times have you seen a grown adult throwing a temper tantrum at a store because a clerk won't agree to some ridiculous demand? 

Whatever the indulgence is, we forget to remind ourselves that they are just that: indulgences. I want, therefore I will have. No one is standing over us watching to make sure we don't waste our money or time on something we don't need and usually can't actually afford. No one is asking us if the purchase or expenditure of time is worth it and not detracting from our responsibilities and goals. No one is there to yank us away and put us in the corner when we act out or mistreat someone else.

Learn to govern yourself and your impulses. Get used to asking yourself if you really CAN afford that thing you want, both in financial cost and impact to your life. Learn that you can't always have what you want, and that doesn't entitle you to abuse another person.

Basic Parenting

For most of us, our parents are, at the very least, not directly governing our lives any longer. The next time you catch yourself about to act like a spoiled child in a grocery store, reel yourself in and remember that you are better than that impulsive behavior.

So let's hear from all of you. Tell us about a time that you had to reign in your less than mature reactions to something, and how doing so made your life better.