Control Yourself First

It is the nature of most people to want control on some level. Control of their money and the source of it. Control of where they live. Control of their situation. And whether or not we choose to admit it, most of us want control of the things and people around us as a part of those things, or simply for the sake of it.

The problem is, we tend to try (and usually fail!) to exert and even expect to have that control of things and people external to us without first taking complete control of the only thing in life we will ever truly control: ourselves.

I'm sure most of you are familiar with this cliched statement. "The only thing you can control is yourself." But that's not the message I'm here to give you. Notice the time of this little rant: "Control Yourself FIRST." Not ONLY yourself. Just yourself FIRST.

I'm not out to tell you to not seek control of your environment, or things external to yourself. We all do it. In many ways, we need to.

Parents need to control their children for their own safety. Supervisors need to control their subordinates to organize teams and accomplish tasks. Leaders control whole organizations, militaries, and nations. External control is exerted to varying degrees every day. It is a reality of life.

But in order to this, we DO need to control ourselves first. Just as how in martial arts students are taught to control their bodies before even picking up a weapon, we need to master ourselves completely in order to properly control anything outside ourselves.

Mental Control

Control of the mind informs control of the body. Everything starts in your brain. When someone is said to be "losing their tempter," it is not a matter of physical loss of control. It is that person choosing to grant control of their actions to their emotions.

When we choose mental control, we empower ourselves to not fall victim to these losses of personal control. This is the basis of all forms of personal strength. Many different methods exist, and no two people will achieve the same results from any one of them. A few things that I would recommend to nearly anyone are:

Therapy

If you are struggling badly with a severe mental health problem or trauma, there is no shame in seeking professional help. In some cases, it can be essential to gaining control of your life.

Meditation

There are countless ways to practice meditation, and each one of you will benefit from finding the one that works best for you. But I have yet to meet someone who hasn't benefited from practicing it. A few moments a day will change your life. This applies to both mental and physical control, but everything begins with your mind and mental state first. It can also strongly drive my next point.

Mindfulness

This isn't so much a specific practice or single choice as it is a shift in the way you think of yourself and perceive the world. Being mindful of yourself at all times, not simply allowing your mind to go on auto-pilot, is an important aspect of self control. It's a choice we make every day to be more conscious of what we think, say, and do.

Notice that I include what we think in this, not just our words and actions. Many people will talk about self control and mindfulness as though it is simply a matter of doing or not doing, saying or not saying. But all of that begins with what we think. Our thoughts drive our words and actions. They define who we are and directly control the state of our lives.

Being mindful of our thoughts first and foremost is what leads to  mindfulness and control of our words and actions. Once you start consistently having healthier thoughts and thought processes, you will find that the amount of times you need to "control yourself" through a harmful impulse is drastically reduced.

Far too often, people simply stop paying attention to how they are acting or even what they are saying. How many times has someone claimed they "didn't even realize" what they were doing or saying? Don't be one of those people. Be mindful of your thoughts at all times, and you will always be mindful of your words and actions.

Physical Control

With your mind and thoughts under your control, you can move into the other half the equation: mastery and control of your body. It is very important that you put serious work into both strengthening and mastering your body. Next to your mind, it is the best tool you have, and you only get one.

If our thoughts are what drive our words and actions, our bodies are what execute them. A singer must learn the mental pathways of their art, but also master the use of their vocal chords. A painter must harness their talent and practice their skills, but also have a steady and practiced hand.

To this end, there are a few key areas that you should always strive to maintain.

Functional Strength

Note the word before strength here. There are many ways to be physically strong, and not all of them are useful in everyday life. It does you no good to have a bench press 1 rep max of 500 pounds if your joints hurt all the time and you can't even make it up a flight of stairs.

When I talk about functional strength, I am talking about building physical power without sacrificing the next two areas: flexibility and cardio fitness. There are a number of healthy ways to achieve this. I personally have found bodyweight and barbell strength training to be the best and most efficient methods, but do what works for you. Just be strong and able to move the way you need to.

Flexibility

Part of being able to move is your body not being so tight that you can't even lean over to tie your shoes comfortably. As with functional strength, there are plenty of ways to achieve this.

Whether it's some basic stretches in the morning, serious yoga, chiropractic care, physical therapy, or something else, just do something. When I started out, I couldn't even sit cross-legged to meditate for 10 minutes without being in discomfort afterward. Incredibly basic yoga stretches in the morning and evening took me significantly further toward flexibility than I ever thought possible.

However you get there, just be sure to maintain and, when possible, increase your range of motion. Your body will thank you.

Cardiovascular Fitness

While "cardio" has had a constantly fluctuating status in the health and fitness world, no one can deny that it's never a bad thing to be able to jog up a flight of stairs without keeling over out of breath afterward. You don't need to spend hours on a treadmill to achieve this. There are even studies that heavy lifting is just as good, if not better, for your heart than those hours of boring low intensity cardio that you never wanted to do anyway.

Now, if you're a runner or even a walker, more power to you. If you absolutely love to run, don't stop on my account. What I'm talking about here is the most efficient time to result ratio. As I am fond of saying, "the best kind of exercise is the kind you actually do consistently." Whatever it takes to cover all your bases and get you in full control of your body.

Bringing it all Together

When you have yourself under control, your ability to control your life will increase exponentially. You will know what to say and do more often, and be more at home in your own skin. When you control yourself first, you empower yourself to take command of your overall existence.

I want to hear from all of you. What steps have you taken to take control of yourselves and your own lives?